I know we're not voting on this, but I would like to submit an alternate map origin story:
"In a world where time is irrelevant and words have no meaning comes a map premise explanation so confusing that it will cause your brain to self-lobotomize just reading it, so keep going. An island-lab-test-facility-resort-town is about to be torn apart by an evil otherworldly force from beyond the grave. You are the world's only last best hope for survival...that is, unless you are playing with up to 3 friends then you are only one of the last best hopes for survival. You alone, and friends, must complete the necessary tasks to escape the island before your soul becomes trapped by its evil and are turned into one of the very mutated slaves of rotting death that you are trying to destroy. Hurry!"