I cannot think of any reason why you shouldn’t play Das Herrenhaus. If you’re blind and missing both arms I still recommend you try to find a way to play this map. I am so certain you will enjoy this map that I am perfectly willing to drop such a blanket statement -- and if you somehow regret playing this map, then please write me a formal complaint seeking redress for your wasted time, in which case I will politely tell you to FUCK OFF you tasteless asshole.

Seriously, there’s almost no sense in writing a review. I mean, it’s fantastic, play it right now. Come back later and tell me I was right.

Nonetheless, I will still attempt this exercise in futility both for record-keeping purposes and to remind you that, no, your life isn’t all that shitty: you’re not the chump wasting his Sunday night writing a pointless review for a children’s vidya game.

DETAIL (9/10)

The map utilizes dynamic depth-of-field, which basically makes stuff further than 10 meters away blurry. It’s like putting a paper bag on my mom’s head when you fuck her: yeah, she’s still ugly, but at least now you don’t have to SEE how ugly she is.

Although whether this map even needs DoF is questionable, as this is definitely one of the best-looking maps ever made. The lighting is absolutely on-point, there’s detail everywhere. Yep, it’s like fucking my mom, only if she was attractive and not dead (unless you’re into that of course).

Also, there’s a dynamic music score that shifts every single round. And now that I’ve experienced it, every other map feels a bit hollow, because goddamn does it add to the immersion.

GAMEPLAY (8/10)

This map comes from the “classic” school of zombies gameplay: that is to say, ACTUAL zombies gameplay. You open the doors, you get to power, you buy your way to PaP, you collect your perks and guns. That’s why I love it: there’s none of the cocktease BS like hiding PaP behind an easteregg, or locking doors until you fill a soulbox, or whatever else people do to deliberately hobble their own maps. So for once in my life I don’t feel like the crippled kid in the candy store, whatever the fuck that means.

There actually is an easteregg, and I’m told it’s quite expansive, however I honestly can’t be bothered to do it. Sorry, those things just aren’t my type. But since I wasn’t forced to do it in order to fully experience the map, I don’t have to take points off the gameplay score. Yay!

You’ll love this map if you just wanna sit down and have a wank have a drink as you explore a huge map across dozens of unqiue rooms.

CUSTOM CONTENT (9/10)

The weapons are “on-fleek” (as the kids say these days), without being overbearing or dominating the map. I say this because a lot of maps cram in so many weapons, all with completely confusing and random stats, that they just dominate the entire experience until the map feels like a slushy pool of gray muck with some BO2 guns poking out of it. Instead, there’s a nice variety of WWII and Cold War guns on display here, plus a really cool Bioshock Infinite inspired shotgun. Boom-boom motherfucker.

On top of that, there’s custom textures, custom zombie skins, and the previously-mentioned custom music score. Oh, and nova crawlers. They’re pretty short, so I tend to overlook them (wow, that was terrible).

REPLAYABILITY (9/10)

Because this map focuses on creating an easily accessible and familiar layout, there’s no reason why you won’t wanna play it over and over. You won’t feel like you have to play 20 rounds just to take it all in, or have to complete a complex EE every time you try to get to PaP. For that reason it’s about as replayable as any quality BO1/2 map, and that’s saying something. Plus, you can always attempt to do the EE if you get bored.

DETAIL: 9
GAMEPLAY: 8
CUSTOM CONTENT: 9
REPLAYABILITY: 9

TOTAL: 35/40

EDIT: Oops, forgot to put a line thru "have a wank" (was thinking too hard about wanking) AND a download link! I am a smart man. Fixed both: http://ugx-mods.com/forum/index.php/topic,9998.0.html

I've very enjoyed this map. Thx for taking time writing this.

So...
A third Review aye? Not sure it was necessary at this point, but anywho.
Can't say I enjoyed reading this review. It's got some points in it where I just think 'why?'

So...
A third Review aye? Not sure it was necessary at this point, but anywho.
Can't say I enjoyed reading this review. It's got some points in it where I just think 'why?'

every review is the reviewers own opinion there could be 20 reviews for 1 map, i do think the critics should think them over though

Some of the sexual jokes, etc. didn't really fit the review imo but good review none the less, I highly suggest anyone who is into CoDZombies give this a go.

So...
A third Review aye? Not sure it was necessary at this point, but anywho.
Can't say I enjoyed reading this review. It's got some points in it where I just think 'why?'

Uhm, ok.  I have no idea what points you are talking about, but thank you for the "feedback"

Some of the sexual jokes, etc. didn't really fit the review imo but good review none the less, I highly suggest anyone who is into CoDZombies give this a go.

Yeah, I'm pretty much considering dropping the humor from my reviews entirely and just making pro/con lists because it seems nobody else actually appreciates it. Actually, I'm most likely going to stop reviewing at all, because it's pretty much a waste of my time.

I'm pretty much considering dropping the humor from my reviews entirely and just making pro/con lists because it seems nobody else actually appreciates it. Actually, I'm most likely going to stop reviewing at all, because it's pretty much a waste of my time.

Nobody is asking you to drop the humor, but jokes like this:

It’s like putting a paper bag on my mom’s head when you fuck her: yeah, she’s still ugly, but at least now you don’t have to SEE how ugly she is.

Do not fit a review like this, what relevance does a joke about fucking your mother with a bag over her head have to do with the map?

You're talking my small comment too personally, if you think this is a waste of time and want to quit, that's your own prerogative.

Nobody is asking you to drop the humor, but jokes like this:

Do not fit a review like this, what relevance does a joke about fucking your mother with a bag over her head have to do with the map?

You're talking my small comment too personally, if you think this is a waste of time and want to quit, that's your own prerogative.

That's my style of humor, and that was an allegory to describe what DOF does on W@W's tired old engine.

Again, every other review has complaints about something in my style that people think should be chopped off, modified, whatever, whether it's the score I give or the actual things I say. So I'm pretty much tired of it, again, I don't have time to waste writing things that people don't like/make them uncomfortable. So I'll either have to change how I write or just stop doing it entirely.

That's my style of humor, and that was an allegory to describe what DOF does on W@W's tired old engine.

Again, every other review has complaints about something in my style that people think should be chopped off, modified, whatever, whether it's the score I give or the actual things I say. So I'm pretty much tired of it, again, I don't have time to waste writing things that people don't like/make them uncomfortable. So I'll either have to change how I write or just stop doing it entirely.

Every person has their own style of humour and I don't find yours particularly distasteful. As a map reviewer I believe you choose the right choice of words to explain what you mean even if it can be considered somewhat offensive to some it doesn't to me. This is an 18 rated game we are playing here and we should all be able to act like adults about things like this. If it was Tomikaze who chose this style of wording I don't think it would have been an issue with some so I am not sure why it is an issue with you.

At the end of the day it was mearly an attempt at making your review humourous and I didn't find it inappropriate. Please do not change your style just because some members find it degrading towards a map. I would rather see you be yourself than pretend to be someone else just to please others. The thing that makes each member unique is how they are, not how they pretend to be. I enjoy your reviews and would rather you continued them as you do currently.

Every person has their own style of humour and I don't find yours particularly distasteful. As a map reviewer I believe you choose the right choice of words to explain what you mean even if it can be considered somewhat offensive to some it doesn't to me. This is an 18 rated game we are playing here and we should all be able to act like adults about things like this. If it was Tomikaze who chose this style of wording I don't think it would have been an issue with some so I am not sure why it is an issue with you.

At the end of the day it was mearly an attempt at making your review humourous and I didn't find it inappropriate. Please do not change your style just because some members find it degrading towards a map. I would rather see you be yourself than pretend to be someone else just to please others. The thing that makes each member unique is how they are, not how they pretend to be. I enjoy your reviews and would rather you continued them as you do currently.

Thanks Zen, that means a lot and I will continue to write how I always have. I'm really glad that some people do appreciate it, that's why I write reviews in the first place.

Thanks Zen, that means a lot and I will continue to write how I always have. I'm really glad that some people do appreciate it, that's why I write reviews in the first place.

I do appreciate each persons style as it makes each review unique. I like your reviews and would hate to see them change just to accommodate a select few. Everyone is a critic at times and you have to just accept that as part of what you are doing but please do not change.

No need to be so negative towards people who don't like the map. Personally, I didn't really enjoy the map, maybe that's because I'm the greatest zombies player, however, I do like how the map looks, it has a great level of detail, and I can only guess the maker spend a great deal of time making this map.

I think the map was very cool, it's just not my cup of tea. No need to tell people to "Fuck off" and whatnot. Not everyone is the same, ya know. We all have our own preferences.

Every person has their own style of humour and I don't find yours particularly distasteful. As a map reviewer I believe you choose the right choice of words to explain what you mean even if it can be considered somewhat offensive to some it doesn't to me. This is an 18 rated game we are playing here and we should all be able to act like adults about things like this. If it was Tomikaze who chose this style of wording I don't think it would have been an issue with some so I am not sure why it is an issue with you.

At the end of the day it was mearly an attempt at making your review humourous and I didn't find it inappropriate. Please do not change your style just because some members find it degrading towards a map. I would rather see you be yourself than pretend to be someone else just to please others. The thing that makes each member unique is how they are, not how they pretend to be. I enjoy your reviews and would rather you continued them as you do currently.

I do want to point out I didn't say it was an "issue" nor did it "offend me", nor did I say it was innappropiate, just....didn't fit, but he obviously took it a little personally, I didn't think he would, since it was such a minute comment in an also positive comment, nor did I think he would have made such a big deal over it.

I do want to point out I didn't say it was an "issue" nor did it "offend me", nor did I say it was innappropiate, just....didn't fit, but he obviously took it a little personally, I didn't think he would, since it was such a minute comment in an also positive comment, nor did I think he would have made such a big deal over it.

Can you stop being passive-aggressive? You could address your comments to me, for starters, as that's who you're talking about. You can also drop the moral highground shit and trying to paint me as a butthurt child.

Your response was similar to many others that consistently say parts of my own reviews "don't fit" or should be changed, etc. So, I responded as such, because yes, it's discouraging when every other comment on something you spent 2 hours writing is a critique or a critique-with-compliment-attached, especially when the critiques are universally vague and give no examples unless I actively push for them.

What REALLY confuses me about all of this is the comment I'm responding to. Nowhere in this thread have I directly targeted your character in any way, shape, or form. I responded to your comments honestly, and I would have responded to a similar comment the same way, without singling you out. It's your critique, fine, I don't like it but it's your opinion.

Which you respond to by passively-aggressively attacking my character. And you're talking to me about being triggered by opinions?

I would greatly prefer if we could just drop the issue, I understand that you're still a good guy Scob and I've always respected you, so I'd rather not argue over what could be a misunderstanding. I just think you should know that, yeah, I got frustrated, but that's not me being triggered or petulant, it's me responding to a recurring trend in the comments of my reviews.

I will just make this comment now. Even though I dont like these kinds of jokes myself, Im not saying reviewer should stop them immediately, as they are not directed towards anyone. If they would be, then it would be a issue. Also:

Some of the sexual jokes, etc. didn't really fit the review imo but good review none the less, I highly suggest anyone who is into CoDZombies give this a go.

This was not offending reviewer at all. He stated his opinion and didnt only comment on that, but said the review was good none the less. He was stating his opinion in a non-rude way

Again, this is why we have talked about locking the review section from comments, it can go way too easily off-topic, as seen here